Some jokes sent my way.

Balance in all things

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,"

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

Paired off Parrots

A lady approaches her rabbi and tells him, "Rabbi, I have
a problem.  I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the rabbi inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes.  Want
to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the rabbi exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem.  Bring your two female parrots
over to my house and I will put them with my two male
talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew.
My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that
terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise
and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the rabbi's house.
His two male parrots are wearing tiny yamulkes and praying in
their cage.  The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots
and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put away the siddurs!  Our prayers have been answered!"

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Q. How will everyone remember Bill Clinton in history?
A. The President after Bush

Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
A. "Not according to Dad."

Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.

Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A. The Spice Girls!

Q. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A. His face.

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A. They were dating the same girl in high school.

Q. Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
A. He's afraid of the draft.

Q. What has four legs and no ears?
A. Mike Tyson's dog.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raquel Welch with Santa Claus?
A. A thank you from Santa!

Q. Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes?
A. Neither did she.

Q. What did Saddam say when he came out of his hole?
A. Did I beat David Blaine?